potential

[st_a_rk]

You'd have to be stupid or suicidal to be Tony Stark and be out in public without a bodyguard or the suit right now, but here he is all the same, in Central Park after dark. Not sleeping, but more importantly, not drinking.

Actually, right now he doesn't know which one would be worse. If he cracked, if he drank, black out drunk unconscious, maybe he wouldn't run through it again, the way he has every night for weeks now, too vivid, too repetitive to be anything other than significant. He can feel yellow-orange eyes on the back of his neck, the hint of a smile in the dark.

He ate pistachio icecream on this bench once, a thousand years and a million 'better not risk it' excuses ago.

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[nearmint]

Intel told him where Tony was, that he was seemingly unprotected, that he was prime to be taken down. And Steve ran through his plan again- he was physically stronger, it would be easy to ambush, to incapacitate, to tie up and drag back to the base as a... a hostage, or a prisoner, or any of the above.

(but he couldn't get it out of his head, and it was the fucking sound more than anything else, blood and meat and bone cracking and shattering under his fists, and if that was what it would take to win, then-)

He waits for a long time, trying to go over how he would attack, but every single time he tried to organize a decent strategy, he saw Tony's bruised face, Tony's cracked smile. He waits for a long time and tries to think straight, to clear his head, to go into this and be the leader his team needed him to be. He waits for a long time before dropping down next to Tony Stark, suited up but with the cowl off, hands folded in front of him.

In the end, how could anything be worth it?

[st_a_rk]

He starts when Steve lands next to him, rather violently (sleepless, twitchy, like he used to get when he had the luxury of just spending days immersed in his lab, babbling passionately about tech to their bemused, gentle friends) and catches his breath after a second. Then, gives him a wide, 'thank fuck you're alive' grin before controlling himself, getting a breath in, remembering that they're enemies now.

"Remember when I freaked you out that time? And had to promise for hours that dystopic speculative fiction would in no way ever come true? Fuck, what movie was it?"

Soylent Green, though this is all a little more 1984.

[nearmint]

He tilts his head when Tony starts speaking, watching him for a moment, before shrugging. In truth, he hasn't thought about movies for a long time, not since long before all of this happened. Tensions were high, teeth were bared- there was no room for escapism.

"...I don't know."

But he thinks about it, hard, for just a few moments, before nodding. "The food was people. Something- green. Yeah?"

And he can't help but to crack a smile at that, a little wry one.

"You promised nothing like that would ever happen."

[st_a_rk]

"You were a kid. I mean, you were our leader, in a lot of ways, and you'd been through just as much as I had, if not more, but I remember looking at you and knowing I couldn't let-"

-anything bad happen to him, including Tony himself.

His eyes shut.

"-it was like a kid who had seen a monster, you know? You don't say 'yes, sweetheart, one day someone is going to make a bad decision and incinerate you in a fiery blaze,' you say 'there's no such thing as monsters.' Even if it isn't strictly true, huh?"

[nearmint]

He nods slowly, and has to look away, even if it means showing Tony his back. Neither of them seem to be in a fighting mood tonight.

"I didn't need to be coddled."

If Tony had just told him, given him the honest answer, then maybe he wouldn't feel so- betrayed by his closest friend suddenly taking a stance with everything that he assured would never exist.

"But I guess that neither of us had any way of knowing what could- knowing this."

[st_a_rk]

"I know. But you never had been, and I wanted to."

He presses a hand over his eyes, trying to push away the migraine he can feel creeping in. Stress and sleeplessness and more stress. He can remember getting these years ago too, feeling Steve pressing cold towels against the back of his neck, having him clear everything off his schedule for weeks afterwards until Tony managed to stubbornly pile it all back in, work himself to a breakdown all over again. He remembers slowly learning how to stop.

"I know I can't promise you it won't be used for everything you're scared it's going to be used for. But I always thought you were the kind of guy who would rather take the risk on behalf of the civilians, no matter what. I don't know how you can't see it, Steve."

[nearmint]

Steve bites his lip, before leaning back on the bench. The last thing he wants to talk about right now is the damned war, but that's the big thing on everyone's mind these days- who's planning what, who's attacking where, who's freeing here, who's going to jail there. The government, the heroes, and all of them just spiraling into a sea of madness and violence.

"You're telling me that you're okay with hunting down our friends like animals?"

It's not angry this time, it's- quiet. Raw. "These people would have died for you, and they're scared of being targeted at home, and they're scared of being singled out in school, and they're scared of losing their jobs- and they're being tracked down by their friends and thrown into prison for the sin of wanting to help."

[st_a_rk]

"I know that you have never had to live with the reality that you might be the thing that people need to be protected from."

He explains, quietly- the belief they'd never quite shaken over the years, though it had been buried deeper and deeper, no less present but further and further into him, away from prying eyes and helpful fingers. The reason they never got through all of the icecream flavours.

"But it can't go on like it was. Maybe I'm- maybe I'm doing it wrong. But you aren't right either."

[nearmint]

His fingers curl harder around the bench and he knows, more than anything, that Tony is right. He's not- he's done things already that have edged on his ethics, his beliefs in right and wrong. It's never been completely Morally Right, what he's doing, and what Tony's doing too for that matter, but this is war.

And he wants to ask, when did this stop becoming a political disagreement and start becoming war? How did the stakes get so high? But he knows, deep down, he remembers the horror he felt when watching the news, the need for some kind of action. Steve's jaw clenched a little tighter and he tried to relax, but it was next to impossible.

"...I know. We're pulling things too thin. Something is going to snap, and I don't know what it is-" a lie, but he can't tell Tony the truth, "-but neither of us are going to like it."

[st_a_rk]

"I know."

Which could be 'I know it's going to snap' or 'I know what's going to snap.' One of the two.

"I have... tenuous control over a lot of it. Not all of the decisions that have been made are mine. But I think if you wanted to talk, I could probably make people listen. If there were a solution I could take back. If you wanted to talk at all."

[nearmint]

Steve sighs, rubbing at his temples.

"...I can't. It would just make me a turncoat- no matter what it's negotiated down to, half of them would take it as a betrayal and go even deeper underground."

There really isn't any backing down from this. They'd built the stakes too high.

[st_a_rk]

He thinks about it, really thinks about seeing him, lying there, with the shield over his heart, and remembers so vividly, it wasn't worth it.

"Then I guess I'm taking the hit."

[nearmint]

"...what?"

That makes him turn in surprise, eyes wide.

"Tony-"

[st_a_rk]

"I'm not doing this. I'm figuring this out, come hell or high water. Just- try to keep your people quiet, give me a few weeks. Days, even."

He scrubs a hand over his face, rubbing his eyes.

"I'll figure it out. Always do, right?"

[nearmint]

"Wait."

He turns back toward him, suddenly- oddly touched. The image of his face, bloody and beaten resurfaces and Steve realizes, suddenly, that he really would sacrifice everything.

"You can't do all of this. Let me- I'll talk to some people."

[st_a_rk]

"Okay. But one promise."

He looks over at him.

"It won't make sense, and it isn't a trap or anything- I need you to agree to it, though, for everything we ever went through, before all of this started."

[nearmint]

There's a long pause, before he nods slowly, uncertain.

"...what is it?"

[st_a_rk]

"This is stupidly specific."

He defends, glancing over his shoulder in the dark, like he's cheating fate.

"If you're ever tempted to give yourself up for arrest, don't do it. I don't care what happens. I don't care who dies. Go into exile, apologize publicly, move to Cuba, move to the moon- do not give the police your name and do not let them take you into custody."

[nearmint]

He's right- it doesn't make sense, and Steve stares at him for a moment, deeply confused. Tony speaks like he can read his mind, except Steve can't foresee an event that he'd willingly-

Tony's face beaten in, his blood covering Steve's hands, breathing in his last few hiccuping breaths, and he'd done this, he'd done all of this.

-and suddenly, Steve knows, and the thought hits him so hard he actually almost falls off of the bench in a kneejerk reaction to get away from Tony, a look of horror in his eyes.

"...How do you- why do you think I'd do something like that?"

[st_a_rk]

"Because you freak out and make the sacrifice play, and fuck you, you don't get to."

His head is pounding now, agony and fire behind his eyes, his hand press against his temples and he's barely even seeing him.

"I'm doing whatever it takes."

[nearmint]

He swallows hard, rubbing at his eyes for a moment before looking over toward Tony, still shocked but- really seeing him for the first time in a long time.

And as much as he wants to continue this line of conversation, Steve realizes that it scares him more than anything, so he switches gears, reaches a hand out to brush his fingers against the back of Tony's hand.

"...you look so tired, up on the television screens. It must be even worse behind closed doors."

[st_a_rk]

"Yeah."

He agrees, knuckles white against the bench, with a weak smile despite it all.

"I don't do so well without someone to run interference, it turns out." Steve's fingers feel so warm against his, and good. "Someone's probably watching. Touch me again and there'll be no pretending it's an accident. If you want to keep them on your side, you'd better leave."

Thank God it's dark. His eyes aren't dry. But he can hide that with a pinch to the bridge of his nose.

[nearmint]

It hurts, but he nods and moves to stand, trying to slowly steady his breathing.

"...don't go out alone," he finally says quietly, looking away. "And if it comes down to you and me, don't- rely on anything. Not my honor, not our friendship, not your suit. Hide a real gun on you and take me out. Promise me that."

[st_a_rk]

"Nope. You're the honourable one. I'm not promising you anything."

Swaying to his feet.

"I don't want to live in a world where I can't count on you. So. Get in touch when you can."

Reaching blindly for his cellphone, to push the button for help.

[nearmint]

"Tony," he says, his voice cracking, because he can't just leave it at that. But he knows exactly what the other man is doing and staying here means that he'll be taken for sure, when reinforcements show up.

So Steve turns and goes, disappearing off into the shadows, calling Cloak, and teleporting to a different place entirely.